Volume 15, Number 6 |
by Anna Hamakoji
If there is anything I don't like about Japan, it's the "gokiburi" or cockroach in English. They must be the most repulsive creatures on earth. They find their way into your house and scare the heck out of you crawling along the floor or popping out of a drawer. There are some things you can do however to at least make their lives a little bit harder with the hope that they will leave you and find some other poor "gaijin" to torment instead. Roaches eat anything, but it helps to put away food in tight containers and to vacuum the floor and to keep things as clean as possible. They also need water; so never keep any water in your sink over night (that's when they are most active). Or better yet, wipe the sink with a dry towel before going to bed. Another thing that many are not aware of is that roaches love beer, and thus, leaving your empty can laying around is a sure way to get unwanted company. Roaches can live anywhere, but they like cardboard the best. So if your place is full of boxes, watch out!
There are many products that you can buy to help you in the battle with "evil". There are the little roach houses with glue inside which the roaches get stuck in, (I love this). There are also small boxes with poison inside for the roach to eat, go back to his hiding place, die and then get eaten by the other roaches, and then they die too. (I love this even more!) I myself put baking soda in small containers and put these in drawers and cupboards, and it seems to help. For some reason that only God knows, roaches don't like baking soda. If you spot one, you can spray them with a special spray or chase them with a slipper. Or you can do like my mother in law and smack 'em with you hand!
by Jon Heese
Some important pieces of advice for newbies at this time of year.
The Welcome Kit made by the city can be picked up at the Tsukuba Information Center. It contains:
If you're a newcomer with a stay more than 90 days and go through the Alien Registration, you will get this package at the city hall. But, just in case you didn't get it when you registered, please come and pick it up at TIC.
Tsukuba Gakuen Church (near Daiei) offers an English translation of the 10:30 service every Sunday. The normal "4th Sunday of the month" English service will not be held in June, July or August this year due to Tim Boyle's absence. Likewise, the 8:30 pm Tuesday evening English Bible study at the Christian Center will likewise be off for the summer, starting up again in September.
The Tsukuba Catholic Church has an English mass at 8:00 am every Sunday and the Japanese masses on Saturday night (6 pm) and Sunday morning (10 am) are accompanied by an summary of the message in English. There is even a Spanish mass on the 3rd Sundays at 3 pm. On the last Sunday of the month, there is a coffee social after the English mass. For information, call the church at 36-1723. The Tsuchiura Catholic Church offers an English mass on the last Sunday of each month at 3 pm (tel. 21-1501). There is also a Portuguese mass on the 3rd Saturday at 7 pm.
The Tsukuba Baptist Church offers an English language Bible study before the Japanese service every Sunday from 10 to 11 am. It is located in Inarimae just east of Nishi Odori on the street closest to the meteorological observation tower. Tel. 58-0655.
The Megumi Church in Tsuchiura (489-1 Kami Takatsu) also offers English translation of their 10:30 Japanese service over ear phones. An English Bible class is held every Sunday morning at 9:00. There is also an International Fellowship group that holds a monthly pot luck dinner usually on the third Saturday. For information on that, call Melissa Ishio at 38-1374. For more information, call the church at 22-2244 or e-mail LDN03144@niftyserve.or.jp (Also see their Tsuchiura Megumi Church Web Page at http://www.bekkoame.ne.jp/ro/tmc/index.html).
The Tokyo International Church, Tsukuba Branch in Amakubo 3-3-5 (across from Tsukuba Univ.) offers a 10:30-noon Chinese (Mandarin) service interpreted into both English and Japanese. There is also an English language Bible study every Sunday evening at 7 pm. For information, call Rev. Huang at 52-6820.
The International Christian Assembly meets every Sunday at their new building just off of Tsuchiura-Gakuen Sen east of Tsukuba (just behind the restaraut with the dragon on the roof) from 10 am for Bible Study and 10:30 for worship. For more information, call Tony Shreffler at 57-9006.
The Nozomi Evangelical Lutheran Church in Tsuchiura (23-27 Komatsu 3-chome) also offers programs in English, including a worship service Saturday evenings at 7:30 pm and a Bible class on Sunday mornings at 9:30. English Bible information courses are available any time. For more information, call Glen Hieb at 0298-21-3578.
The Tsuchiura Christian Church offers an English message translated into Japanese every Sunday morning at 10:30 am. For information, contact Paul Axton at 56-2167.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Tsukuba ward is located at Sakura 2 chome 35-2. Services are translated into English over headphones. The Sacrament Meeting begins at 10 am followed by Sunday School at 11:10 and Priesthood and Relief Society at 12:00. A Gospel Doctrine class in English is also offered. For more information, contact 57-9795.
The Jewish Community of Japan, invites anyone of the Jewish faith in the Tsukuba area to feel welcome at any of their programs in Tokyo. Sabbath services each Friday at 6:30 pm followed by Sabbath dinner; Kosher Kitchen, Saturday morning, 9:30 am. Contact 3-8-8 Hiroo, Shibuya-Ku, Tokyo 150; tel. 03-3400-2559, fax. 03-3400-1827.
by Joseph G. Robbie
This is a Special Two Chapter Summer Editon
The newly arrived Canadian cutie, Keri Canyon, answered the doorbell to greet with relief Rieko Kubota, wife of her newly appointed immediate supervisor. They were on for lunch and shopping. After ten minutes of chatting, they went out to the Suzuki two-door, which had been left running in the parking lot.
"Oh. Did you forget to turn off your engine?" Keri inquired.
"No. Why?" was the response.
Keri let the matter drop, repressing her urge to lecture about wasted energy, pollution and possible theft. In the weeks to come, she would notice many unoccupied cars with idling motors. She figured it must be a cultural thing.
The sky was clear and the temperature high as they drove the few blocks to central Tsukuba. An elderly parking attendant attired in police like manner waved them smartly into the six-floor parking structure where they quickly located a space marked for yellow plate (small) cars only. Reiko backed the vehicle into place, as was required.
While they walked toward the elevator, Keri heard two young children crying inside a locked and hot Toyota. "Where are their parents?" she asked.
"Probably playing pachinko at the parlor across the street", was the reply. Keri was shocked. Where she came from it would be grounds for parental arrest.
The pair rode the elevator down to the first floor of Seibu, the main department store in town. They exited and passed through the jewelry section. Keri eyed the stylish collection of watches, surprised that they didn't cost more. But shopping could wait. Right now, they were starving.
Rieko led the way toward an aromatic entrance with short red curtains, a crimson lantern, and a waving black cat inviting them in. As they parted the curtains and stepped inside, the cooks and waitresses all yelled something at them. Keri didn't know how to react to the enthusiastic greeting, so she followed the lead of her accomplice and ignored it, and them. They were shown to a smoking booth, as Rieko needed her strong Golden Bat cigarettes on a regular basis.
The girls examined both the menu and the very authentic looking plastic food models of the dishes available. Since this was a ramen shop, Rieko decided upon a Sapporo style miso ramen with roast pork. Keri went for the spicy Kyushu ramen with pork, mushrooms and some kind of brown egg. In addition, Rieko suggested one plate of gyoza, a sort of meat and veggie filled pastry. The local showed the greenhorn how to select meal and drink tickets from the illustrated coin vending machine, then hand them to the help by the kitchen, an act that elicited gung-ho yells of excitement from the cooks.
Their iced teas were delivered to the table with lemon and little containers of sugar syrup, in lieu of sugar. Keri thought it was nice the way they were presented with hot white wet cloths to clean their hands. Keri couldn't resist placing the steaming mini-towel over her face. It was most moist and refreshing. She didn't notice the stares.
The ramen arrived. To Keri's eyes, the bowls seemed huge. The aroma alone set her mouth to watering, and the sight enhanced the process. They dug in. Keri first grabbed her cool porcelain spoon, dipped it in and, after blowing on it a bit, tasted her first real Japanese ramen, which was really Chinese, if you want to get technical. Delicious!!! Rieko mentioned how good the hot broth felt on the back of her smoker's throat. She also opined as to how ramen has served as a bridge between past and present, as well as between East and West.
As the Canadian continued her meal, she became aware of strange, somewhat disgusting noises all about her. Suddenly, she heard it coming from Rieko. Looking up, she intently observed as Rieko snared a large number of noodles with her chopsticks, lifted them halfway out of the bowl while maneuvering her mouth downward to conclude the rendezvous. As the chopsticks reached her lips, the pile of noodles was inhaled and disappeared with a loud, wet, sucking sound. Keri was embarrassed for her friend and hoped nobody had noticed. Then Rieko did it again. The sucking came from all sides. Keri realized that the other customers were eating in the same manner, with no manners, in her opinion.
Keri managed to get about five noodles between her chopsticks, put them to her mouth and then daintily bit off the potion that did not conveniently fit, letting the severed halves plop back down into the bowl, Rieko disapproved and attempted to instruct the novice in the proper art of slurping this ancient treat, "When in Rome,,," Keri figured and gave it a shot, With a mighty slurp, the noodles entered her gullet, but not before some of the less disciplined ones had thrashed about wildly to and fro, slapping her face and staining her blouse. She tried again with predictably similar results, This seemed like too much work, so she returned to the spoon.
The gyoza was brought to the table on a plate containing six large ones, Rieko prepared the sauce and taught how to di p and nibble, Keri was delighted, and devoured five of them with Rieko's blessing. Sated, though stained, Keri declared the meal a nominal success and they rose to depart. Next up - shopping!!!
It was 22:30 at the Motown Club in Roppongi, and the crush of the crowd pushed Mariko's breast into Randy's chest. Unable to forego the opportunity, he embraced and warmly kissed her. Smack - and his cheek was burning with the sting of the slap.
"You are a bad boy, Randy", she pronounced, wagging a heavily bejeweled finger at him, She continued, "Kissing in public is not done in Japan."
"Well then, let's go somewhere private", he suggested with a sly leer.
However, Mariko wasn't a pushover, Randy worked hard during pizza and wine time, using his best lines and most winning smiles. Remembering that truthful adage of seduction, 'Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker', the randy rascal plied the young damsel with drink. Lacking originality, yet not effectiveness, this ancient gambit met once again with success. From the curb, they tried in vain for thirty minutes to hail a cab. Mariko explained that fairly often taxi drivers in Tokyo are reluctant to pick up foreigners. Although Randy was indignant and cried "discrimination", his date sympathized with the cabbies' point of view, especially when Randy rolfed on the plush back seat. She paid the fare, plus a hefty guilt tip, refusing to translate the driver's comments, as per the lout's request.
In the early morning hour, the couple strolled hand in hand to Villa Paradiso, the gaijin hostel. Guests were not allowed, so Randy carefully checked the hallways before clandestinely smuggling his prey into his lair. By the time the sun rose, they were an item.
Mariko had Mondays off from her gig at the coffee shop, Randy had Mondays off too, as he was unemployed, They slept late, then dressed and slipped out, Mariko, who at age 22 of course lived with her parents, returned home to shower and then nap for a few hours, Randy bought a copy of the Japan Times from a kiosk, then returned to his room to peruse the "Help Wanted" section.
Wow! There were a lot of jobs being offered for English teachers, It seemed that the minimum salary was 250,000 JPY a month and that the positions fell into one of three main categories: teaching adults at a language school; teaching children at a language school; and teaching businessmen at company classes. Most full-timers were offered aid in obtaining the all-important working visa, All teachers should be native speakers and needed some kind of college degree, but it could be in anything! Randy felt buoyed, With his bogus diploma, he knew he wouldn't starve here at least.
At 5:OO pm that August evening, Mariko was waiting for him at Tony Roma's restaurant in Roppongi while considering her situation, Sure, she had been looking for a boyfriend, but she hadn't really planned on an American, She thought it was exotic and exciting. Her girlfriends would scream when they heard the news, She hoped they would be jealous of her, On the other hand, she worried. It had all happened so fast, What did she really know about this guy? Would they even be able to communicate with her limited English abilities? And what about the cultural differences? Surely, problems yet unrecognized lurked like mines in a field before them, She was tempted to bite a manicured nail.
Randy arrived, cutting a dashing figure with his long blond hair and only suit. What he lacked in funds, he made up for with looks and charm, Mariko decided.
They enjoyed their shrimp and steak, as well as the huge, yet tasty and crispy, onion ring roll. Following dinner, Randy, not surprisingly, offered to escort her back to his room, but she declined. She wasn't in the mood for more of that childish sneaking in and out routine. Besides, let's face it, his digs were shabby.
"Let's go to a love hotel!" was Mariko's solution.
~What's that?" came the befuddled reply.
"Come on. I'll show you." She grabbed his hand and led him to the station.
They exited the train twenty minutes later at Shibuya and then walked another ten to an area where the streets were lined on both sides with many attractive and unique little hotels. Each displayed colorful photos of the accommodations on offer. The pictures not lit up were rooms unavailable due to current occupancy. One establishment boasted a water world of lavish spas, hot tubs, and whirlpools. Another had a medieval look with canopy beds and suits of armor standing around. Others were themed after harems, dungeons, the future, cavemen, the 50's, Las Vegas, and outer space. Most rooms included wide-screen TVs with your choice of soft porn channels, in addition to a complete karaoke system.
Mariko led Randy to her favorite one, Genki Manhattan, easily recognizable by the Statue of Liberty replica on the roof. As they passed the hotel's parking lot, Randy was surprised to see that the license plates of all the parked vehicles had been covered over by the discreet staff to assure customer anonymity, They entered the lobby, but there was no check-in desk or clerk of any kind, Instead, they approached a glass-enclosed display with photos, descriptions and prices of the still available rooms lit up, They selected the Empire Room, which cost 5000 yen for a "rest" of three hours, or 15,000 yen for the night.
Mariko punched in the room's number on a separate vending machine, put the required cash in, and soon a plas- tic key card presented itself. The key unlocked the door leading to the elevator, which they rode to the third floor. Finding the sought after room, they s[id the card into the lock to enter a marvel of luxury. The first things, which struck Randy, were the magnificent lighting displays and an expansive window, which appeared to look down upon the New York skyline from the 200th floor of the World Trade Center. You could see the cars moving and the traffic lights changing. The round bed was posted on a softly glowing, slowly rotating podium, which was actually an aquarium with live tropical fish. A carefree fountain bubbled next to the white baby grand piano in the corner and the refrigerator was well stocked with pay-as-you-go beverages. The bathroom was equally opulent with a four-person tub shaped like a heart and fixtures that looked like real gold,
"This place rocks!" Randy exclaimed with enthusiasm. "I'm just gonna run down to the Family Mart and get a pack of cigarettes, I'll be right back,"
"No, wait! You can't leave and then come back inside," explained Mariko. "Sorry, but that's the way it works " "Well, that sucks!" he pouted,
"Yes, but, on the other hand, so do l," She giggled and winked, He got the message, (TO be continued...)
The differences between Vikings and sararimen might be smaller than you think.
An essay by Lars Hylander comparing some characteristics of the Swedish and Japanese cultures. Lars was a great guest researcher in Japan until December 2000 at the National Institute for Environmental Studies. He may be reached at Lars.Hylander@ebc.uu.se.
When Yes is No
Are there any differences between Japanese and Swedish cultures? Hai! hai! The language, of course - both the written and spoken. Until now I have only found two words with the same pronunciation and meaning in Japanese and Swedish - "so" and "koya" (a small hut). The spelling is of course different, since our Swedish letters are totally different from the kanji. Like the Japanese we took an existing alphabet, the Latin one, and adopted it to our language by adding some extra letters. Though only three (a, a, o), they are quite important since they are also complete words.. They are the main words in the following phrase "a i aa a e o", which tells us that there is an island in the river. Not only the words differ between Japanese and Swedish, but also the way to use them. In Swedish we say "ja" (yes) only when we mean yes, but a Japanese "hai" should often be translated to "no" in Swedish. This indicates another difference between the two cultures. The Japanese may say "yes" but meaning "no", because they are so extremely polite and service minded, and a negative answer may sound rude and irritate the counterpart or customer. Swedes, on the contrary, are more straightforward, without worrying over whether it is "politically" correct or not, the main thing being that it is an objective statement. Though the illogic manner of the Japanese sometimes might drive me crazy, I appreciate their "waiting to see" mentality. This is contrary to the impulsiveness I've experienced in some countries, where I often got greeted with "for you my very best friend", though I've never before seen the person. When afterwards experiencing how that "friend" treated me, I just wonder how he will treat his enemies?
In spite of some differences, I feel quite comfortable in Japan, since there is a sort of common basic mentality between Swedes and Japanese. It has been developed during generations of relative isolation, due to the geographic location of Sweden and Japan, respectively. That is a bit off the centre of Europe and Asia, respectively, on a peninsula like Sweden or islands like Japan. Both countries are also economically successful, and have managed to distribute the affluence among all their citizens. Nowadays, both countries are making friends with poorer countries by contributing to their development with money and personal assistance. It is a more easy task for Sweden than several other European countries, since we don't have any colonial past as a bad baggage, but still we have a good knowledge about the cultures and languages of many of the colonising countries and some of the colonised ones. Compared to Sweden, Japan has larger economic resources but less knowledge about the world's poorest countries. Another drawback for the Japanese contribution to the global development is the devastating effects caused by several Japanese companies in poorer countries - plundering the rain forest to mention only one activity. This deforestation is done in spite of the fact that Japan, like Sweden, is mainly covered by forests, which could successfully be exploited in a sustainable way.
The Good Old Days
In some aspects, Japan reminds me about a past Sweden, which will never come back and which I remember with nostalgia. Public safety is one example. Though still better than in America and most other countries of Europe, public safety used to be much better in Sweden before open borders and uncontrolled drugs, international gangs, economic refugees, and American violent films and videos. Another reminder to me is the left hand driving. We were also driving on the left-hand side until just 30 years ago. All the accidents with foreigners involved forced us in 1969 to change and drive on the right-hand side, though I still find it the "wrong" side. A third reminder is the Japanese boys' school uniforms, which have striking similarities with the soldiers' uniforms during our occupation of all northern Europe during the 17th and beginning of 18th centuries. Yet another similarity with the Japanese history, where large parts of neighbouring countries were unfairly occupied two centuries later. The withdrawal from occupied territories has to both Sweden and Japan been succeeded by a residual anger for the course of events in the large and hence powerful neighbours of Russia and China, respectively. Maybe this is a reason to that both Sweden and Japan have since then stubbornly refused to be militarily involved in any conflicts.
A few hundred years earlier the Swedes spread such fear in all of Europe, that the priests used to pray in the church mass: "Holy God, save us from the frightful North men". However, the stories about the Vikings are greatly exaggerated. I've noticed that the Japanese bunch pirates, warfare men and Vikings together in the same category. Are samurais also in the same bunch? To shed some light on historical events, I want to point out that pirates never trade or build up societies, like the Vikings successfully did. Russia is an example of the Vikings' influence, stretching so far that even the name originates from Roslagen in Sweden, the departure region for Vikings trading on the large rivers in eastern Europe. I never hear anyone blaming the Spaniards and Portuguese for their gruesome exercises in Latin America. On the contrary, their bloody exercises are largely celebrated, presently in the 500 anniversary of the discovery of Brazil. A "discovery" which led to the original Indian population decreasing from 100% to less than .1% of the Brazilian population. A Spaniard is announced as the "discoverer" of America, even though millions of people were already living there when he arrived. Christopher Columbus was not even the first European to go to America. Leif Eriksson, a Viking, went there peacefully already in the 11:th century! The Englishmen are the only people I know who really appreciate the Vikings. Perhaps because they have got half of their language from us, including the commercially launched word "window" and the names of most weekdays. Wednesday got the name from the Scandinavian main god Oden, who with his only eye saw everything by the support of his two ravens. Tuesday was dedicated to the warrior god, Thursday to the thunder god Thor and Friday to the fertility goddess Frei. You see, before we became Christians we worshipped manifestations of nature, resembling the "kamisamas" of the Japanese Shinto religion. Well, in one way I think also the Japanese are grateful to the Vikings -that is, when eating "viking buffet", called "smorgasborg" in Swedish. I think the Japanese character still has kept much of the samurais' "service" attitude, including loyalty to his lord, no subterfuge, endurance and speaking the truth. Those characteristics were also typical of the Vikings. Certainly you need endurance to go by rowing and sailing ships from Sweden all the way to Istanbul on the Russian rivers. The transfer between rivers running to the Baltic Sea and those running to the Black and Caspian Seas was done by pushing the ships over land on wooden rolls, cut from tree trunks!
Wonderful is Short
A clearly visible difference between the Swedish and Japanese cultures is the packaging. In Sweden it is correct to wrap a gift in brown paper, since this shows that the person cares about the environment by not using bleached paper. The main thing is that the content is correct, preferably a practically useful thing, though flowers and chocolate are gaining in popularity, since most Swedes have got their large homes filled up with stuff. The Japanese on the other hand, hardly care about the content, but the wrapping must be exclusive. The more wrapping layers and the more decorations, the better. This wrapping philosophy is also applicable to clothing, but part of the "content" should be visible in this case, e.g. the smiling faces and the girls' exciting legs. The Japanese "salaryman", however, is dressed in a suit even when the weather suggests short sleeves. To manage the situation, air conditioners are set to a lower temperature, resulting in increased emissions of greenhouse gases and globally a higher temperature in the future. Since I have found both similarities and differences between the Swedish and Japanese cultures, I want to summarise it by saying that both Swedes and Japanese worship nature and take the picnic basket with them to satisfy all senses in "hanami" parties. The difference is that Swedes want to return, picking tasty cherries from the same trees a few months later.
The following breeds are not recognized by the American Kennel Club:
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called 'Lincoln.'
Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.
Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker:
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy, huh?
Famous World Ideologies, as Explained by References to Cows:
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Birthdays are good for you: the more you have, the longer you live.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Don't cry because its over; smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors...but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.