Volume 14, Number 5 |
For the past 13 years, the Alien Times has provided the international community with local news and has served as a forum for people to share their experiences and insights. It has been an all-volunteer effort, and over the years, various people have contributed articles and news items. With the advent of paid advertisements over the last few years, the Alien Times has actually built up a small surplus above its printing costs. In order to work towards making the AT the best paper possible, we are instituting a new policy to encourage you to submit articles of interest. Thus, if you have something of value you would like to share with the international community, an original article of one page or more will bring you 5000 yen. Obviously, it needs to be something that is usable, and so we must limit payment to articles we can actually use, but we don't intend to be overly picky. If it isn't offensive, obscene or in some other way obviously inappropriate for a newspaper aimed at a general audience, then we'll take it. So let us here from you. Hopefully this will be an added incentive for you to submit articles. You can email them to the AT at za3t-byl@asahi-net.of.jp of submit articles on floppy disc (MS Word of text file). Looking forward to seeing some new writers!
International Exchange Room Coffee Hour May 24
As part of its activities, the Tsukuba Information Center sponsors a bilingual discussion group the fourth Wednesday of every month from 2 to 4 pm, with invited guests giving a presentation from their area of expertise or experience. This month, we are pleased to have Mr. Marshall Hughes, from the U.S.A. He will not, however, be speaking about the U.S., but about Laos. Here is what he writes:
"People interested in Southeast Asia probably most often head to Thailand, with its friendly people and nice beaches, Singapore, with its small size and high-class standards, or Indonesia, with its slightly more exotic fare. For a less-traveled but maybe more rewarding trip, I'd suggest Laos, the landlocked country of less than five million people located between Thailand, Cambodia (another good choice), Myanmar and Vietnam. One of the charms of Laos is its lack of major tourist sites, allowing you to visit a still relatively untouched part of Indochina without the camera-toting hoards buzzing around like so many gnats. Laos won't cost you very much either. A day in Vientiane, the capital, can cost less that 2,000 yen for hotel, three meals and a bicycle rental, if you go with a budget hotel."
The Coffee Hour is meant to be an informal exchange of information and opinions. English and Japanese are both used with efforts made to make sure those who can't understand one or the other are able to at least get the gist of the conversation. Likewise, you don't need to commit yourself to the entire two hours and can come and go freely. So drop by, whether for a short time or for the entire two hours, and enjoy some free refreshments along with a stimulating discussion. Please let us here your opinions as well.
The Tsukuba Cultural Foundation has organized International cooking classes to enhance communication through food, culture and international exchange.
INDIAN (India) COOKING CLASS
[Date and time] June 11th (Sun.) 10:00 am to 14:00
[Place] Kasuga Public Hall 2-36-1, Kasuga, Tsukuba shi
[Registration fee] 500 yen
[Limit of Participants] 30 people
[Registration] Call to the Tsukuba Cultural Foundation
(tel. 0298-56-7007) from 16th May 8:30 am (English available)
(First come first served)
The Tsukuba Information Center will be beginning a new venture Nihongo Oshaberi Time (Japanese Chatting Time) on every 2nd and 4th Friday from 1:30 to 3:30 pm starting from June 9.
"Nihongo Oshaberi Time" is designed for people who have been studying Japanese but have little opportunity to practice with Japanese people. Also, people who are just interested in learning about Japanese culture and customs are welcome as well. This is a good opportunity for you to meet new people and make new friends.
You don't have to be fluent in Japanese at all, as there will always be bilingual people available to help you express your thoughts in Japanese.
We serve tea, coffee and some sweets during the meeting. If you have children, they are welcome to come as well. For further information, please contact Ms. Taniguchi or Ms. Miyanuma at 52-6789.
Tsukuba University Festival June 2-3
The annual Tsukuba University "Yadokari Matsuri" is scheduled for the evening of June 2, with the main events being on Saturday, June 3. It will be centered around the Hirasuna dormitories on the south side of the campus, and offers an opportunity to enjoy traditional music and dance along with being served traditional foods (for a price, of course) by enthusiastic students.
Many of our Alien Times readers have no doubt already seen the new local newspaper called the "Monthly Tsukuba X'press". This new publication joins the Alien Times, which began as the first such English news source in 1987, and the Tsukuba Newsletter the city began putting out a few years ago as useful sources of information for the ever-changing local gaijin population.
Although it says "Monthly", it is actually only bimonthly at present, with the new volume 4 (May/June issue) due out in early May. It comes out in both Japanese and English versions with essentially the same content in both. The level of English appears to be rather good, though there are a few of the typical "Japanized English" phrases, such as "others" as a translation for the convenient Japanese phrase "sono ta". (This is what you see in numerous contexts to describe a place for any item that doesn't fit in a previous category, such as on garbage collection points with several categories, "cans", "burnables", and the ubiquitous "others" for whatever doesn't fit in the specific categories.)
The paper contains a considerable amount of advertizing for restaurants and other such local businesses and includes helpful lists of telephone numbers, taxi fares to frequented spots, etc. The Tsukuba X'press is available free in hotel lobbies, information centers, etc. - pretty much the same places the Alien Times is available.
Guest speakers for the monthly Coffee Hour are always in demand, and so if you have a topic of interest you would like to share with the international community, we'd really like to hear from you. For instance, if you would like to introduce your country and culture to others, that would be most welcomed. Or how about teaching a native dance from you country? How about sharing your favorite recipes for scones or brownies? Perhaps you have an interesting hobby you would like to share. Anyway, the topic is up to you. If you're interested, please give Ayako or Yoshiko a call at 52-6789.
Volunteers to help with the set-up and clean-up for both the Coffee Hour as well as the soon-to-begin "Nihongo Oshaberi Time" are also needed. If you can help, please let Ayako or Yoshiko know.
Well, actually, many of the most spectacular flowers come in April, but certain varieties are at their peak later this month. Two really great poppy displays are coming up near Tsukuba, with the best time being late May. The poppies bloom for quite some time, however, and are still good into early June.
The two displays are at the Kokai River Flower Festival in Shimotsuma just off of Route 125 along the river, and the "Flower Canal" Spring Flower Festival in Fujishiro also along the banks of the Kokai River about 1 km north of the intersection on Route 6 that leads into Fujishiro Station. Both places have several special events on weekends, but the flower fields are open any time and are best viewed in clear weather. Thousands of people come each Spring to view the many acres covered in brilliant red, pink and while poppies.
Also worth mention is the rose displays at the Flower Park in Yasato, just over the mountain from Tsukuba. The rose is the Ibaraki Prefectural flower and is the main attraction at the Flower Park (though many other varieties are in bloom at various times of the year). The Rose Festival runs from May 20 through June 25. Admission is ´640 for adults and ´320 for children.
Whether you're a wine connoisseur or not, you will find Ushiku Chateau to be a charming place to have a family outing. Within its spacious confines, you will find a variety of indoor and outdoor restaurants in beautiful garden settings and in historical buildings. First built in the latter Meiji Era, the buildings of the winery are quite interesting in themselves, and house both a winery museum and wine casks used to ferment the famous Ushiku wines.
If the weather is nice, one has a variety of outdoor settings in which to enjoy a grilled barbecue dinner. Meals are ordered at a central station (courses range from ´1200 to ´3500) and are then delivered to your choice of places. The bamboo garden is particularly beautiful and consists of several thatched roof cubicles enclosed in a forest of huge bamboos. The "mini SL" barbecue is popular with kids and consists of a 1/7 scale size steam locomotive running down a 50 m tract that delivers the food to your table, which is enclosed in a giant wine barrel.
Reservations are generally not needed on weekdays, but at peak times, you may want to check, especially for large groups. The number is 73-3151. The easiest way to find it by car is to go across the Joban Railway Line on route 408 (Ushiku-Gakuen Sen) and turn right at the second light (which will also be a 4 lane road). Turn right again at the third light (just before the overhead pedestrian bridge, and drive a short ways down that road towards Ushiku Station. The vineyards are off to the left and the chateau is on your right. Bon appetite! P.S. The wine is great!
An English language interdenominational worship service is held once a month normally on the fourth Sunday of every month at 2 pm. at the Tsukuba Gakuen Church near Daiei. The May service will be May 28. It is followed by an informal fellowship time at the Tsukuba Christian Center next door. The Japanese language congregation meets every Sunday morning at 10:30, and the service is translated into English over headphones. There is also a Bible Study in English every Tuesday evening at 8:00 in the Christian Center. For more information or help with transportation, call Tim Boyle at 55-1907.
The Tsukuba Catholic Church has an English mass at 8:00 am every Sunday and the Japanese masses on Saturday night (6 pm) and Sunday morning (10 am) are accompanied by an summary of the message in English. There is even a Spanish mass on the 3rd Sundays at 3 pm. On the last Sunday of the month, there is a coffee social after the English mass. The Easter masses are at the regular times. For information, call the church at 36-1723. The Tsuchiura Catholic Church offers an English mass on the last Sunday of each month at 3 pm (tel. 21-1501). There is also a Portuguese mass on the 3rd Saturday at 7 pm.
The Tsukuba Baptist Church offers an English language Bible study before the Japanese service every Sunday from 10 to 11 am. It is located in Inarimae just east of Nishi Odori on the street closest to the meteorological observation tower. Tel. 58-0655.
The Megumi Church in Tsuchiura (489-1 Kami Takatsu) also offers English translation of their 10:30 Japanese service over ear phones. An English Bible class is held every Sunday morning at 9:00. There is also an International Fellowship group that holds a monthly pot luck dinner usually on the third Saturday. For information on that, call Melissa Ishio at 38-1374. For more information, call the church at 22-2244 or e-mail LDN03144@niftyserve.or.jp (Also see their Tsuchiura Megumi Church Web Page at http://www.bekkoame.ne.jp/ro/tmc/index.html).
The Tokyo International Church, Tsukuba Branch in Amakubo 3-3-5 (across from Tsukuba Univ.) offers a 10:30-noon Chinese (Mandarin) service interpreted into both English and Japanese. There is also an English language Bible study every Sunday evening at 7 pm. For information, call Rev. Huang at 52-6820.
The International Christian Assembly meets every Sunday at their new building just off of Tsuchiura-Gakuen Sen east of Tsukuba (just behind the restaraut with the dragon on the roof) from 10 am for Bible Study and 10:30 for worship. For more information, call Richard Swan at 36-0993.
The Nozomi Evangelical Lutheran Church in Tsuchiura (23-27 Komatsu 3-chome) also offers programs in English, including a worship service Saturday evenings at 7:30 pm and a Bible class on Sunday mornings at 9:30. English Bible information courses are available any time. For more information, call Glen Hieb at 0298-21-3578.
The Tsuchiura Christian Church offers an English message translated into Japanese every Sunday morning at 10:30 am. For information, contact Paul Axton at 56-2167.
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Tsukuba ward is located at Higashi 2-21-22 by Higashi Middle School between Doho Park and Tsuchiura Noda Sen. Services are translated into English over headphones. The Sacrament Meeting begins at 10 am followed by Sunday School at 11:10 and Priesthood and Relief Society at 12:00. A Gospel Doctrine class in English is also offered. For more information, contact 52-6548.
The Jewish Community of Japan, invites anyone of the Jewish faith in the Tsukuba area to feel welcome at any of their programs in Tokyo. Sabbath services each Friday at 6:30 pm followed by Sabbath dinner; Kosher Kitchen, Saturday morning, 9:30 am. Contact 3-8-8 Hiroo, Shibuya-Ku, Tokyo 150; tel. 03-3400-2559, fax. 03-3400-1827.
The following are some samples from the writings of the kids at TIS:
Come and play in my world,
Where imagination comes true.
Where children have fairies' wings,
And Fairies play with you.
Sunshine warms you all day long,
There are flowers everywhere.
Unicorns replace cars and things
And roses in you hair.
There you can have whatever you want,
Imagine, and come there.
By Camille Wasden, Grade 3
Space
Follow me into space
And hear the stars bunring
Goorg goorg goorg.
Hear the comet zoom kazoom
Shoom Zoom Boom!
Here the planets spin around
Whirl swirl curl.
By Ryo Isshiki
Hamster
Hamster, hamster, why are your eyes cute?
Hamster, hamster, why is your body small?
Hamster, hamster, why do you have whiskers?
Hamster, hamster, does the leaf taste good?
By Sang Hyun Park
by Tim Boyle
Anyone who has had to learn to communicate in a foreign language or who has dealt with non-native speakers (and that includes all expatriates living in Japan!) has experienced that feeling of "something seems to have gotten lost in the translation." Sometimes, it can be very embarrassing, but if we learn to laugh at our mistakes and see the humor in things that come about specifically because there are frustrating cultural barriers that we each must overcome, then we will be more able to adjust to and even celebrate our cultural differences.
Several years ago, the Alien Times ran a miniseries on this topic, and so the following includes a number of gems from that series plus a few more. Hopefully, this article will encourage our readers to submit their own articles for future issues (which we will even pay for starting next month!). If you have any more humorous tales to tell about language bloopers, we'd like to see those as well. We will, of course, need to eliminate those bloopers that are patently obscene (even though they were obviously not so intended), but there may be a few in this article as well that some may consider, shall we say, "a bit unrefined". But such is the nature of humor. We shall begin with one of those.
As anyone knows who has taught English to Japanese, they have great difficulty in distinguishing between "r" and "l", even though to a native speaker of English, they don't even seem close. This is, of course, because they have neither sound in their language, but instead have a sound English doesn't have that is roughly half way between "r" and "l" (though actually closer to "l"). Thus, even when a Japanese knows English fairly well, when it comes to writing out the sound he or she is making and having to choose between and an "r" and an "l", instead of the "light" one, the "long" one is often chosen.
Take, for example, the Japanese who passed the following note to a foreigner at a memorial service, where each person in attendance was expected to lay a flower in front of a picture of the deceased. "To show your respect for the deceased, bow before the picture and crap three times."!! Fortunately, a little observation of what other people did went a long ways towards clearing that one up!
Or take the example of a sign in a park that points to the "ravatoli" (lavatory), or the florist delivery van with "frolist" spelled out across its side. But that is nothing compared to the time when the future emperor of Japan was referred to in writing as the "clown prince"! There are also other famous r-l bloopers that are simply in too poor of taste for such a high crass publication as the Alien Times.
Likewise, the difference between "si" and "shi" is very confusing for Japanese, and so you'll sometimes see a stray "h" where it shouldn't be. A couple of Japanese girls were offering their services as "English speaking baby sitters", but that old "h" sound did just happen to stray into the last word turning their sign into a kind of "self-fulfilling prophecy"! Yes, just like the foreigner was urged to do in front of the picture to show his respects, babies do certainly tend to do that, don't they!
But lest you think that such bloopers are the sole prerogative of Japanese speaking English, you should hear some of the ways foreigners have butchered their language. Once while trying to say that I was hungry ("Onaka ga pekopeko desu" - which is roughly equivalent to "My stomach is empty"), I instead told them I had a "fluent" ("perapera") stomach (the opposite of my Japanese at the time). That, however, would likely be the result if I were to literally follow through with the conversation a friend of mine had with a shop owner when he tried to buy bean sprouts. He walked confidently up to the manager and politely asked him if he had any "koyashi". The manager seemed a bit surprised a nicely dressed foreigner would be asking for such an item, and said, "Well, yes we do. How much do you want?" My friend replied, "About 200 grams will do." Looking even more incredulous, the shopkeeper asked, "What are you going to use it for?" "Well, we need it for ingredients for a dish we're making." The look of horror on the shopkeeper's face told him that "something had gotten lost in the translation." A quick look in a dictionary revealed that he had been ordering "manure" instead of bean sprouts (moyashi)! Now that would have been the ultimate in recycling!
People who have had to ride jam-packed buses and trains during rush hour will appreciate the feelings of this harried foreigner. Finding she was having trouble reaching the door at his bus stop, she yelled out, "Koko de koroshite kudasai!" She had meant, of course, "Koko de oroshite kudasai" (Please let me off here), but that extraneous "k" sound turned it into "Please kill me here!" (I'm getting tired of riding this crowded bus!)
Japanese is a language with several levels of speech, ranging from highly honorific to colloquial and even condescending styles of speech. In English, most such distinctions are made through the tone of one's voice and body language. In Japanese, however, entirely different words and sentence structures are used (in addition, of course, to tone of voice, etc.)
One of my favorite stories along this line is that of a young, handsome American missionary who was passing out religious tracts to passers-by. He thought it would be good to use the highly honorific style to attract people's attention, and so instead of simply saying the normal "Doozo, yonde kudasai", he thought he would try the honorific "Oyomi ni natte kudasaimasen ka?" (which literally means something like "Won't you come to (the point of honorably) read(ing) this?") When he tried that phrase on a young lady, she was startled to hear him proposing marriage, "Oyome ni natte kudasaimasen ka?" ("Won't you please become my bride?") Isn't it amazing what a difference one slight variation in sound can make?
While we're dealing with some language bloopers foreign missionaries have made while trying to speak "the Devil's language", as Francis Xavier, the first westerner who tried to learn Japanese, is quoted to have said), let's look at a few gems of miscommunication. The Japanese word "kami", which means "God" or "gods", is naturally a key word in such messages.
When attempting to refer to the "God of Heaven", one hapless linguist got his "i's" and "e's" confused (as foreigners are prone to do), and his entire message focused on "Ten no kame", the "heavenly turtle". On top of that, he got the words for human "ningen" and carrot "ninjin" confused, and so he ended up telling everyone how that "great turtle of Heaven just loves us carrots!
Another missionary got his "i's" and "e's" correct, but thought it was proper to put an "o" in front of "kami" to make in honorific (after all, how much more deserving of the honorific form that the Almighty himself?). He thus came out with "Ten no okami" (with the "o" lengthened in sound, for you Japanese experts). Unfortunately, his perplexed listeners had a hard time trying to figure out why he was talking about the "Wolf of Heaven". After all, this "Heavenly Wolf's" son was supposed to be a lamb!
This same bumbling preacher on another occasion at least did not lengthen his misplaced honorific "o", but this time he also politely added "san" to this version of "God" and came out with "okamisan", which is an "innkeeper's wife". Apparently, this is the gal who takes your reservations for the "heavenly inn!
These all, however, pale in comparison to what one overzealous preacher ended up saying when he wanted to exhort his listeners to more holy living. What he intended to say was, "Anata no kitanai tsumi wo sutete, kami ga ataete kudasaru nozomi wo idakinasai" ("Put away your filthy sin and embrace the hope that Gode has given you.") Through two slight mispronunciations, however ("tsumi" becoming "tsuma" and "nozomi" becomging "nezumi"), what he actually said was, "Put away your filthy wife and embrace the rat God has given you!" Now that is what I call "radical theology!
As mentioned above, the use of "keigo" (honorific styles) frequently gets foreigners into hot water. Putting an "o", "go" or "mi" in front of a noun to make it more polite certainly has its limits. For instance, one does not put an honorific prefix on a place name. While the ancient city of Nara, the first true capital of Japan, certainly holds a special place in the hearts of Japanese, trying to make it honorific by saying "onara" is sure to bring an embarrassed laugh from you Japanese hosts (just as doing the real thing tends to do as well)! You can look it up in a dictionary if you're still stumped, but to put it in puzzle form, it reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw in the U.S. supposedly advertising a new organization for frustrated fathers: Fathers Against Radical Teenagers.
Speaking of getting into hot water, there is the old story I heard about a foreigner in pre-war Japan who had a fetish about rainwater and its relation to health. He came to the brilliant conclusion one day that filling his bath with rainwater would be good for his health, and so he was trying to tell the maid that for health reasons he wanted his bath filled with rainwater. Now "rain" is "ame" and "water" is "mizu" in Japanese, and so it seemed logical to simply put the two together. In fact, that is how it is done in Japanese, except that it's pronounced "amamizu" instead of "amemizu". Unfortunately, however, this freaky foreigner got the two turned around and he said "mizuame" instead of "amemizu". From previous experience with this "health nut", the maid, after several reconfirmations, took him seriously and filled his tub with "mizuame" as requested. Being heated from a fire below, it was even nice and hot (and apparently very inviting) as our hapless friend got ready for his bath. How far he was able to get his foot in before realizing he was in a really sticky situation is unknown, but imagine his surprise to find out the hard way that "mizuame" is roughly equivalent to "corn syrup"!
Those of you who have been to parties know that the Japanese are quite fond of "kanpai" toasts with glasses of beer, wine, etc. raised. When one American of Italian descent was asked what people in America say for "kanpai", she blithely replied, "Well, most people simply say 'Cheers!', but in the Italian-American community, we say it in Italian, "Chinchin!" (which, I gather, is supposed to mimic the sound of tinkling glasses). When mouths dropped and then turned into roarous laughter, like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz", she knew she "wasn't in Kansas anymore." "Chinchin", as it turns out, is the colloquial phrase particularly used by or to children to refer to that "unmentionable part" of the human body used to "tinkle" with! This also explains the laughter of some foreign children raised in Japan upon their mother reading to them the familiar story of the three little pigs refusing to let the wolf in by saying, "not by the hair on your chinny chin chin!
We'll close with another one that deals with the seemingly inscrutable world of Japanese grammar and one lady's encounter with the problem of responding to "keigo" properly. Just as there is the problem of putting honorific prefixes on nouns, there are also the various levels of speech one has to deal with, including using different verbs for persons of different social level, or to differentiate between animate and inanimate objects, etc.. Confusion over this led to a rather interesting scene when a Japanese official called on house of one single foreign woman. Upon answering the doorbell, he greeted the woman with "Goshujin wa orimasu ka?", "Is you husband (literally, "honorable master" at home?). Not quite knowing how to respond, the single lady replied, "Orimasen". But then she realized that would imply that she actually had a husband who just didn't happen to be in, and so she quickly tried to correct herself by saying, "Janakutte, arimasen." But then she remembers that word is not normally used when referring to people (only things) and so she tried to correct herself again by saying "Iya, irimasen!" "No, he's not." "I mean, I don't have one (it)!" "I mean, I don't want one!" But, then, who could blame her for not wanting a "master" - even an "honorable" one - in her house?!